Sin
My breath is thick with it
Cloud of infectious decay
Invisible, tangible display
It wrecks beyond reckoning
I set my heart
Even among the comfort of friends
Unconsciously
on my miserable end
All value ceased to me to be
Only work had all of me
How did it blind my eyes?
Unaware and justified
I had to work to make it right
My work was chief
Nevermind theirs
I’m justified
The gifts I missed make me sick
A chance to reconcile gone
Examples set I can’t take back
Seen to be a selfish hack
How do I move on?
The battle lost, the armies gone
I cannot bring them back again
Who can pay for so much sin?
How can it be whole again?
Please! Make me whole again
Make it all whole again
A Time to Rejoice
Today is the day that marks 6 months of dating Ruth, my sweetheart. It is an awesome gift from the Lord that He has given us this relationship together, and we love being together and working together as a team in our church family and in each other’s lives. I am full of gratitude because of all of the blessings God has poured out on us over the last 6 months. It has been so good! He is worthy of praise for doing this work. And Ruth is worthy of praise too, for “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised” (Prov 31:30), and she fears the Lord. I am happy!
Warning: startling transition ahead. But as you look at the world story right now, it is not fully of joy and laughter everywhere. Particularly in Iraq, unspeakable evils are being committed, men and women are being killed and tortured, and bitter oppression is winning. (For a more detailed look at the situation and what you can do, read a good friend’s take here.)
How can the same God be allowing both of these things to happen? Does he know about the evil He has the power to stop and is not cutting short? Some of those killed are martyrs, like those in Revelation 6, who cry “O Sovereign Lord, holy and true, how long before you will judge and avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”
Another question: what would happen if our situations were reversed?
Is belief in God a luxury of people in good situations? Is there enough depth in the fear and love of the Lord to allow for delight in him in any circumstance? (Phil 4:11) If things switched places, and I were losing a loved one rather than gaining one, could I say with Job “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Though I believe that God would provide a way to praise him even in that situation, my answer hasn’t happened. I haven’t suffered anything like those in Iraq. But I can answer that those in history who have feared the Lord have been able, by being drawn in to understanding the love of God and the splendor of his holiness, to bless the name of the Lord even when they lost everything. Is what you worship big enough to do that?
Whatever your beliefs, this says something about how powerful the fear of the Lord is. That is why it is a treasure, to be sought and nurtured in your own life and the lives of those around you whom you love. And when it is found, and grows, and shines, it will always be worth rejoicing in.
So now it is time to rejoice! Here is to 6 months of dating! And enjoying the fear of the Lord together! May the Lord continue to fill us with joy and give us hearts that are full no matter what the future holds!
When Trials End
Beware when ends of trials near
Of souls forgetting why we’re here
When great anticipation makes
Our future life on earth all “cake”
Like Gideon who won the war
And gave up ruling to the Lord
But still he forged an ephod there
That to his fam’ly was a snare
“This artifact is what has saved
us from our enemies,” it claimed.
The battle over, the vict’ry won
But God, it seems, had also gone
Elijah also lived by faith
On Carmel witnessed fire blaze
And slew the false and evil priests
Who served the god who was asleep
But soon he fled in fear and dread
For Jezebel had sworn, “You’re dead!”
So mighty prophet fled and hid
’cause he’d thought trials were at their end
And what made Peter look at Christ
On earth, the savior: here, alive
And say to him “You are not right!
You cannot suffer, fade, and die”?
Was it not this same desire?
Four hundred years of silence, mire
He wanted vict’ry: now, and fast
A triumph that on earth would last
But, for now, we’re called to suffer
Rejoicing in our hope with wonder
That though these trials stretch before us
Our faith, refined, will be more glorious
So don’t forget you need him still
Though sweet relief your soul has thrilled
Rejoice with joy and holy rest
And look to him for more, not less
The Naïveté of the Nativity
As I have begun to think about the Christmas season, I was inspired by a song calling for children to gather around and hear the Christmas story. This is a part of Christmas every year: caroling, Christmas pageants, the nativity, and many other traditions. These are joyful ways of celebrating as a whole family and communicating the story to the next generation. But it is not only a top-down exchange. The parents are not only teaching the children. The children have something that we as adults need.
“For it is written: ‘I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.’
“Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.” (1 Cor 1:19-25)
There is a wonder that ought to come with the hearing of this story: that God sent his son as a baby into his created world as a real person. And this child grew and one day died to reconcile those who believe in Him to God. I find that I often lose this sense of simple wonder in the consideration of theological arguments or some other grand analysis. I want to arrive at this wonder by sophisticated reasoning, not just looking at it and being surprised and grateful.
So as we enter this season, I challenge you to beware of your own sophistication. If you have knowledge that you are proud of: maybe theology – you know how and why God did everything in the Christmas story and can explain salvation, or political theory – you understand how nations work (or at least how ours ought to work), or philosophy – you understand the ideas of the great thinkers through the ages, or finance – you know how to manage money well and run an economy, or operations – you know how to get things done and lead people efficiently, or science – you know how to explain or model the world. God will use this wisdom you have to hide the wonder of belief from you unless you are willing to expose yourself in a way that some would call you a fool.
C. S. Lewis depicted this effect powerfully in The Last Battle. If you are reading this and are not a Christian I hope you are challenged to reconsider placing a requirement on the Christmas story to make 100% sense to you before you think about believing it. And if you are a Christian, I pray that you do not let your “experience” blind you to this wonder and rob you of your joy.
“Aslan,” said Lucy through her tears, “could you – will you – do something for these poor Dwarfs?”
“Dearest,” said Aslan, “I will show you both what I can, and what I cannot, do.” He came close to the Dwarfs and gave a low growl: low, but it set all the air shaking. But the Dwarfs said to one another, “Hear that? That’s the gang at the other end of the stable. Trying to frighten us. They do it with a machine of some kind. Don’t take any notice. They won’t take us in again!”
Aslan raised his head and shook his mane. Instantly a glorious feast appeared on the Dwarfs’ knees: pies and tongues and pigeons and trifles and ices, and each Dwarf had a goblet of good wine in his right hand. But it wasn’t much use. They began eating and drinking greedily enough, but it was clear that they couldn’t taste it properly. They thought they were eating and drinking only the sort of things you might find in a stable. One said he was trying to eat hay and another said he had got a bit of an old turnip and a third said he’d found a raw cabbage leaf. And they raised golden goblets of rich red wine to their lips and said “Ugh! Fancy drinking dirty water out of a trough that a donkey’s been at! Never thought we’d come to this.” But very soon every Dwarf began suspecting that every other Dwarf had found something nicer than he had, and they started grabbing and snatching, and went on to quarreling, till in a few minutes there was a free fight and all the good food was smeared on their faces and clothes or trodden under foot. But when at last they sat down to nurse their black eyes and their bleeding noses, they all said:
“Well, at any rate there’s no Humbug here. We haven’t let anyone take us in. The Dwarfs are for the Dwarfs.”
“You see,” said Aslan. “They will not let us help them. They have chosen cunning instead of belief. Their prison is only in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.”
Nonsense: A Poem
The strong Assyrians have come to take
Exalted nations: laid to gloomy waste
We wait in hopeless Judah, frail, debased
No water to drink, no food to taste
But how? Will there be
A place for joy and praise for me?
Despite intentions, My senses conspire
To call this invisible god a liar
The workload expands ever longer and on
The deadlines keep piling, burdens at dawn
My strength: expended; accomplishments: few
No respite in sight; no rest, just do
But how? Will there be
A place for joy and praise for me?
Despite intentions, my senses conspire
To call this invisible God a liar
The trumpet sounds, my stubborn feet deploy
Roots that now are numb. In my place: a void
How can a God love us, though He be meek?
Even un-feeling men: defiled, weak?
But how? Will there be
A place for praise and joy for me?
Despite intentions, these senses conspire
To call my invisible God a liar
But we, a people, a possession, friends
Made strong in weakness, our God will defend
To us a Son given, now Spirit led
We possess hope to feel, see, be fed
But how? Will there be
A place for joy and praise for thee?
Despite intentions, old senses conspire
To call my now-visible God a liar
The zeal
Of
The LORD ALMIGHTY
Did
Is
Will
Accomplish this
Amen
Stronger than Babel
I had the privilege of attending a local Chinese church yesterday in a “small town” in China. I went because I am hungry for community – skype and messaging is great, but there is something irreplaceable about praying alongside fellow believers. It is awesome!
I did not want to go at first – I was trying to think of excuses good enough for God to let me not go – but he wouldn’t accept any of them. I was not looking forward to being bored and literally the only person who could speak more than 10 words of English. But, as He is in the habit of doing, God provided. It was such an honor to get to pray alongside the saints of this city as they all prayed aloud at the same time. I felt like I was a part of the group because I know the same God and I know He was listening to all of us.
Then came the sermon – thankfully the pastor used powerpoint with verse references. Once I figured out what book we were in, I followed along with the groupings of verses trying to guess at what each point was. Later that night, God brought one of the verses we studied to mind so I could encourage a friend! He knew what I needed to hear, even in a different language, so that I would be “thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Tim 3:17).
This made me realize something awesome: the unity in Christ is more powerful than the divisive power of language. What is the best way to divide people? Make them speak different languages – that’s why God did it in Genesis 11. But in Christ “there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female…” (Galatians 3:28)
If the unity found in Christ is that strong, then what can prevail against it?
Ask
What do you pray about when you pray? What do I pray about? A lot of times it is just for “spiritual stuff”: world missions, my campus, a friend who I really want to see come to know Jesus. That’s great! It is good to pray and ask that God would do work in the spiritual realms – in fact, that comes more naturally than asking for things in other areas. I know that I am helpless to change the world, to share the gospel effectively, or to see God’s kingdom come on this campus.
After pondering some more of “A Praying Life” by Paul Miller, I realize there is a lot of stuff that I don’t pray about, and ways to pray that I don’t. Jesus promised “I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” Asking shows a need. There are two primary ways to fail at this, found in James 4:2-3: “You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”
Failure 1: You do not ask. This applies to so many things I can’t even handle it. Every second of every day is a chance to ask our loving Father who has power to impact our world to move on our behalf. I usually miss these chances – to ask that I would be patient, to ask that I wouldn’t crash on my bike when a pedestrian moves into the way, to ask for a wife in the future, etc. Miller writes, “My solution to the problem [makes] it more complex. That’s why we can’t afford to do anything on our own.” We can only see one problem or maybe a small set of problems at a time, and if we solve them alone, things get more complicated (note: this is infuriating as an engineer – and I’m sure really for anyone).
Failure 2: Asking with wrong motives. God is not a vending machine. He will never be content with being second to anything. He does not promise to make life easy by giving you money and fame and everything you want. So don’t mess with God.
For me, I tend to shy away from failure 2 so much that it forces me to failure 1. I am so afraid of asking for something from wrong motives that I don’t ask for anything that I actually want! Tell God what your heart desires and ask him for it, remembering that He is in charge and will answer according to His will (it’s also fair game to ask Him to change your heart’s desires). Jesus prayed that the cup might be taken from him even though he knew it wouldn’t. Pretending that you don’t want something because it isn’t spiritual enough is not the way to go about relating to God. Be real, ask, and abide in Him.
I wish that I didn’t hide my heart behind my filter of what I think God wants to hear. Do you do that too?
God grows
Listening to Adventures in Odyssey was the entertainment of my childhood (while working out, while playing with K’nex, before bed, etc). I have listened to episodes thousands of times. This week at work I rediscovered them (you can listen here) because I have been doing some data entry at work and could listen to stuff and still get it done.
Anyway, the show is made by Focus on the Family and tells 
the story of the people of Odyssey, their adventures (ha), and the wise old Mr. Whittaker. I realized listening to it yesterday that a lot of my worldview was shaped by hearing those characters interact with Biblical truth in a wide variety of situations. It got me to thinking:
- It is so important to immerse yourself in truth. God will take the truth you are exposed to and soak it in to your soul. His Word is living and active and will not return to Him without accomplishing the purpose for which he sent it. But if you refuse to be around it, it is not going to be there when you need it.
- As Paul said, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.” Adventures in Odyssey definitely planted some seeds of truth in me. Hearing Mr. Whittaker quote Psalm 103 in an episode – a psalm I memorized this summer – struck me in particular. It made me realize that God has grown me so much already from that little 6 year old who first heard these tapes. Since He has been so faithful this far, surely He will carry on the work which He has started to completion. I’m glad I am in His hands, and not mine, to grow. Because even though I’m older now, I still am just as clueless about what is coming next.
Why do you love God?
Why do you love God? This is the question someone asked me on campus while I was out witnessing with Smitty one day. It is a very good question. What causes me to love Him? I have thought a lot about it and have come to a few conclusions, which, though likely incomplete, will hopefully help me give a better answer next time, and live with a better perspective in the meantime.
1) It is not because His physical provision (changing my circumstances). Let me explain. My circumstances cannot have anything to do with me loving God, because they are so volatile. That is not a firm foundation at all. Jesus wants nothing to do with allegiance that is based on the satisfaction of physical needs. For example, in John 6, after feeding 5000, some of the people track Jesus down after being enamored by him. He warns them: “I tell you the truth, you are looking for me not because you saw miraculous signs, but because you ate the loaves and had your fill. Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life.” Yes, seeing Him provide time after time has helped me see His faithfulness, but even if he had not provided like I wanted, He would still be faithful. If circumstances are the right foundation, the gospel is utterly inapplicable to the poor, and that does not square with God’s character at all!
2) What does Scripture say? Psalm 37:4 says “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Don’t miss the order there! God does not want us to miss the miracle worker for the miracle. He wants us to treasure Him, not the stuff we can get from Him. That is why Paul declared that everything else was rubbish “compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus Christ my Lord.”
3) So why do you love God? Is it some indefinite combination of his provision and knowing that you’re supposed to because Jesus died for you? Is it really there? Or are you, like I have done, just loving the feelings and things, the friends and the freedom that you can get from God? If we continue to do that, we are selling ourselves unbelievably short of the abundant life that Jesus promised. I hope that God teaches me to love Him for the reason in 1 John: “We love because He first loved us.” He loves us! I hope one day to understand that I can’t understand that. He longs to be the satisfaction we are looking for if we would only look Him and not just to His gifts to us.
Think about it. God’s love might just change your life.
It's Go Time 