To Demetri Martin

My friends and I watched your show “If I” last night, and it really struck a chord with me. While I am neither as intelligent nor as analytical as you are, my mind works in a similar way. Not only is this true in the sense of trying to create and solve puzzles in everything I see, but also in the sense that in doing so I hope to “achieve” enough to justify myself. If I achieve enough things in a day, then I feel like I proved that I was worth it, at least for that day. Because I have felt that way I wanted to tell you about something that has helped me in the hopes that maybe it will help you too.

I believe that God is the one whose existence is intrinsically justified. He has never fallen short of perfection in the history of eternity. His existence is the one that gives meaning to all other beings because we must be defined by our relationship to him. But this God who deserves to be “high and mighty” and let us not matter forever decided that He wanted to have a relationship with us. So, he sent his Son (in the metaphorical, close familial relationship sense), Jesus, to earth. Jesus lived a perfect human life, but was condemned and killed. But God raised Him from the dead, showing His power.

This power is important because He now extends to us the gift of eternal life, but more importantly, significance and meaning. Jesus has set me free from having to make up and achieve success according to some arbitrary standard, and allows to me rest in God’s evaluation of me. And to those who believe in the Son of God, God gives the right to become his children (John 1:12). Thus, through Jesus, we can come into a meaningful relationship with God and He justifies our existence.

I hope this is helpful to you. It has helped me to be free from analyzing myself to death. And knowing God is really cool. I’ll be praying for you, not because I have some religious or political agenda , but because knowing Jesus makes people free.

Is following God always good?

Psalm 143

O Lord, hear my prayer. Listen to my cry for mercy! In your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. I know that the Lord is good. I know that in your presence is the fullness of joy and restoration and hope. So, do not bring me into judgment by fairness to get what I deserve, but grant me the light of your face and the glory of your grace. Wash it over me and make me whole.

The enemy is trying to destroy me – he is crushing my spirit to the ground. Rise up! O Defender of the weak! Listen to my feeble cry for I am almost lost. My spirit deep inside is dismayed.

I remember your days of faithfulness to me. You have blessed me many times over – you have been faithful at every instance to provide for my life and needs. But my spirit is weakened to not be able to receive it. I have no joy.

My soul is parched to failure. Wash over me Father. Let me sit at your feet and soak you in – not for a minute, but let me deeply bask in your majesty. The Word of your power holds all things together.

Answer me with quickness – I cannot stand forever. Do not hide the light of your face from me or I am utterly lost. Let this morning and every one after bring me word of your unfailing love. Though I may be considered as a sheep to be slaughtered and face death all day long.

I put my trust in you to provide and lead me for my good, not only for my pleasure. Show me the way I should go. Who else should we follow?

For your name’s sake and in your mighty righteousness deliver me. May the triumph of your people in our weakness be a testimony to the greatness of our King.

God is always good. Though sometimes he seems far away – even to David – his character is constant and he will deliver. I need to hear that following God is good – that these light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal weight of glory which far outweighs them all. What do you think?

Neediness and the Gospel

Are you hungry to know what the nearness of God feels like? His presence is like nothing else – “you will fill me with joy in your presence” (Ps 16). Are you hungry to be accepted? To belong without competition? To be known in full and loved in greater depth than you hoped? I did not even know I wanted these things. I still don’t know how to describe the joy and healing in the gospel. But if you want any of these things – I do know that God can provide it.

God responds to the needy. Psalm 12:5 says, “Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy I will arise…” I want God to arise – and I don’t want it to be because I am oppressing people and be his enemy, so the pathway that is left is to groan in need. Again, in Isaiah 40, right before the famous “rise on wings like eagles” part, it says, “Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God’? Have you not known? Have you not heard?…He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.” God is moved to action by the weak and needy, not by the strong.

This is a pretty extreme statement, but I felt like yesterday was one of the first times, if not the first, that I “experienced” the gospel (see Felipe Assis’ talk here). God has broken me down in the last month with relationships. I like to control things and plan and organize and have a backup in case things don’t work. But I cannot control relationships – with God or with people – there are too many variables outside of me, and my heart is too weak to love  well. But even though I feel like I am hopeless, God desires to call me his. He wants to carry me and love me and accept me just because of Jesus. Yesterday some guys prayed for me and it felt like they were pouring healing into my soul.

How/where do you need God? If, like me up until last semester, your answer is “nowhere,” look again. Just because my parents are in ministry and I know a lot of truth does not make me less needy. In fact, I feel behind the game because I am just beginning to see what the gospel means. Don’t let your Christian life be an accumulation of facts or an ever-rising count of days since you last “seriously sinned.” Let it be a need for Jesus.

Hearing God

Well, it has been a long time since the last time I wrote. Some of that has been because of a frightening wrestling with hate and anger in my own heart that has kept me from being at peace enough to say anything. And another huge part of it has been trying to learn about hearing God. So, in the midst of this dilemma, I stumbled across a book called, surprisingly enough, Hearing God (by Dallas Willard).

I’ve enjoyed reading some of the principles in it so far, and I hope to journey through in my life and to some degree on this blog what I learn about the topic. The main idea is that God communicates to people through relationship. There is not a way to read a book or obtain enough helpful data to determine what God’s will is for you. We are to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is…” (Romans 12:2).

As much as I want it sometimes, we are not robots. Being a robot removes all uncertainty for what you are supposed to do (which is nice). But we were not designed to wake up each morning and execute a script of commands given to us by some angelic network signal. Jesus says, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15).

We have been made co-heirs with Christ – no trivial title. So, since it is for freedom that Christ has set us free, how about living in it? How about being a part of the writing of the story of your life? God cares about what you want and need and desire. His ought to be the driving will, and the one that always takes first priority, but don’t be afraid to come before him with who you really are and what you really want to do and work alongside him. Listen to your friend. God is a good parent. Can you imagine a kid who was only allowed to act when his parents gave a direct command? God doesn’t expect us to be like that – he loves us as children! Even with all of our unpredictable uniqueness.

Oh, how I long to hear his voice and know that it is him! Jesus said of himself as the Good Shepherd that “his sheep follow him because they know his voice.” I wish I could give you a formula for hearing it. But I don’t even know how to do it myself. I need help knowing this God.

Gator Football and Sanctification

Words that you didn’t expect to see together, huh? Especially this season. But think with me for a minute, I think these ideas fit together:

Loving the Unlovely – loving things that are not lovely is really tough. I am terrible at it. People in general are terrible at it because there is not a quality to attract the love. This is unconditional love, because if any conditions had to be met for that love to be offered, an unlovely object would fail to warrant it. Florida fans are obviously terrible at this because we are so spoiled. Pretty much every sport we have has won a national championship in the last few years. It’s ridiculous! Now that our football team is terrible, we want to quit. But because we go to this school, we are still tied to cheer for our team.  Unconditional love is the type of love God has for us – Romans 5:6 says, “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless , Christ died for the ungodly.” I am unlovely, but God loved me anyway, and he takes great delight in me.

Making the unlovely lovely – So why do we cheer for something unlovely? Because our identity is in it and we have hope for it. I am a Gator so you better believe I’m gonna be cheering for them even if we lose to App State next week (Note: that doesn’t mean I agree with our coaching or think we are playing well – because neither of those are true at all). But I will still cheer. And there is hope that in the future we will be good again. In a similar way, for those who have believed, our identity is now in Christ. “For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Rom 8:29) Our identity is as a child of God, and God is making those who believe in Jesus to be like Jesus. We are going to be perfect in the end, when we see Him as He is (1 Jn 3:2). And what joy comes with knowing that such a change has taken place!

I guess the metaphor breaks down at some point when “winning a national championship” becomes a metaphor for heaven. Because the glory of heaven is never going to go away. But you get the idea. So keep cheering and hoping for the Gators, and keep believing and thanking God that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” (Phil 1:6)

My Imaginary Jesus

Are you a fan of picture-free comic-esque adventures with lots of insightful spiritual content? Imaginary Jesus by Matt Mikalatos is probably the only book that I know that fits into that category, and you would do well to read it. Throughout the course of the book, we are led deeper and deeper into Matt’s fight to know the real Jesus and rid himself of countless imaginary ones.

It has definitely been thought provoking, and helped me to identify some major characteristics of my own imaginary Jesus, the Jesus that I follow that is close enough to real to convince other people that I’m on track, but safe enough to keep me from having to do anything uncomfortable. These are the main 4 characteristics I’ve seen (so far – it may be a far longer list by next week). My imaginary Jesus:

1. Is uncomfortable with people that I do not know much about – This pretty much includes anyone who is not a white American from the South/Southeast, a staff kid, or from East Asia. I am unhappy to realize that it is hard for me to love people outside of this group and I wish this wasn’t true. But it is. I hate that I’m this shallow.
2. Does not engage with the broken and needy – you name it – “spiritual” people, the poor, the sick, the lost. My Jesus likes to pray for these people and preach to them occasionally, as long as no emotional/meaningful bond is formed. Certainly not friendship. That would be too uncomfortable.
3. Has no place for extravagance – This comes from Mark 14 when the woman anoints Jesus with perfume that could have been sold for a year’s wages. I (and my imaginary Jesus), like the disciples, become indignant and think of all the good that could have been done if that money had been used efficiently. But Jesus says, “She has done a beautiful thing to me.” I do not understand that kind of love or relationship.
4. Does not love me in a way that includes my desires – My imaginary Jesus does love me. He will provide for me and watch over me and never leave me and there is no reason to ever be afraid. But, He only cares about my needs. There is no sense of an abundant life or the “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Ps. 37:4) of the real Jesus. Again, my understanding of extravagant love is quite narrow.

What is your imaginary Jesus like? Because the real one is a whole lot better.

ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR BEGINNING:

1. SP TESTIMONY [Still working on person] -  Just need some kind of summer project logo to throw up while a person gives their testimony

ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR END:

1. UNITE NOW –This Sunday from 6-9 pm is UniteNOW Worship at the Reitz Amphitheater

2. DOULOS –Wednesday Nov 16th, 8 pm, Open to everyone in sorority or fraternity. We’re going Rock climbing at Gainesville rock gym! It will cost under $10 with a group of 20 or more. Rides can be provided. Check the fb event or contact Kelly Ann Broderick or Mackenzie Pape. Bring cash!

3. CRU BLOCK – Exciting week for the CRU block this week.  We are part of a 900-student section that will be making up an experimental human sign.   In other words, it will be obvious to everyone (including security) if there is more than one person per seat.  Let’s represent Christ well by cooperating with this project and not overcrowding our block.

4. TICKETS – Please pick up CRU block tickets right after the meeting TONIGHT.  If your friends aren’t here, please get their tickets for them. This is your last chance since the game is tomorrow! [You can do a quick edit of an old one for this]

5. TAILGATE – Tailgate tomorrow at 4pm at Norman field, students and parents welcome!  We’d appreciate people bringing either chips, dessert, or a couple dollars to donate.

6. NEXT CRU – Next week we are in the Rion Ballroom at the Reitz!

Ask

What do you pray about when you pray? What do I pray about? A lot of times it is just for “spiritual stuff”: world missions, my campus, a friend who I really want to see come to know Jesus. That’s great! It is good to pray and ask that God would do work in the spiritual realms – in fact, that comes more naturally than asking for things in other areas. I know that I am helpless to change the world, to share the gospel effectively, or to see God’s kingdom come on this campus.

After pondering some more of “A Praying Life” by Paul Miller, I realize there is a lot of stuff that I don’t pray about, and ways to pray that I don’t. Jesus promised “I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.” Asking shows a need. There are two primary ways to fail at this, found in James 4:2-3: “You do not have, because you do not ask God. ³When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

Failure 1: You do not ask. This applies to so many things I can’t even handle it. Every second of every day is a chance to ask our loving Father who has power to impact our world to move on our behalf. I usually miss these chances – to ask that I would be patient, to ask that I wouldn’t crash on my bike when a pedestrian moves into the way, to ask for a wife in the future, etc. Miller writes, “My solution to the problem [makes] it more complex. That’s why we can’t afford to do anything on our own.” We can only see one problem or maybe a small set of problems at a time, and if we solve them alone, things get more complicated (note: this is infuriating as an engineer – and I’m sure really for anyone).

Failure 2: Asking with wrong motives. God is not a vending machine. He will never be content with being second to anything. He does not promise to make life easy by giving you money and fame and everything you want. So don’t mess with God.

For me, I tend to shy away from failure 2 so much that it forces me to failure 1. I am so afraid of asking for something from wrong motives that I don’t ask for anything that I actually want! Tell God what your heart desires and ask him for it, remembering that He is in charge and will answer according to His will (it’s also fair game to ask Him to change your heart’s desires). Jesus prayed that the cup might be taken from him even though he knew it wouldn’t. Pretending that you don’t want something because it isn’t spiritual enough is not the way to go about relating to God. Be real, ask, and abide in Him.

I wish that I didn’t hide my heart behind my filter of what I think God wants to hear. Do you do that too?

Losing

Chas Henry watches as the last second field goal goes wide

Losing hurts because it means that we are not as good as we think we are. It means I am wrong and I can’t pretend anymore. Losing is now a lot more personal – the Gators have lost 3 consecutive football games for the first time since 1988 – and I was not even alive then. “So I say, ‘My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.’” (Lam. 3:18). This is what hurts I think – our splendor is gone. It has been replaced by lots of anger and blame and embarrassment. It is amazing how quickly losses turn to anger. The cries of “fire Addazio” have intensified each week.

This is because people want to find a reason for explaining the disconnect between reality and their perception of how things should be. Against Ole Miss freshman year it was that they got lucky with all the fumbles. Against Alabama two weeks ago it was that it was an away game and we were inexperienced. Last week, it was that Les Miles was lucky beyond his imagination with a 1-in-a-thousand perfect bounce and fake field goal conversion. But last night, we just lost. Mississippi State was the better team – they just came into our house and beat us.

So what do we do now that our splendor is gone? “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” (Lam. 3:22-23) This is a reason for great joy: even though I and my Gators are not as good as we think we are, God’s faithfulness holds me together. It is a refreshing call to reality: we are not perfect – I hope these losses can teach my university that. It is a hard lesson.

What have you learned from losses?

Cynicism

Recently I have been reading a book called “A Praying Life” by Paul Miller, and the biggest thing that has struck me is the way he describes the attitude of prayer. We should pray like little children who are utterly needy, unable to live without their father. We should pray as if we cannot imagine that our father is too weak to do anything and couldn’t love us more.  In sharp contrast, my heart tendency (and I think the trend in the world of late) is toward cynicism.

Miller asserts that cynicism begins from a seemingly harmless place: “naive optimism.” While “genuine faith comes from knowing my heavenly Father loves, enjoys, and cares for me…naive optimism is groundless.” Cynicism is a reaction to the real world when our optimistic views are unmet. It is judging people who care because we feel there must be some hidden ulterior motive or “angle” that people are taking.

I can tell when I become cynical because my words turn to sarcasm. As Jesus said, “out of the overflow of [the] heart [the] mouth speaks.” This weekend we lost to LSU and it was terrible. Gut wrenching. Crushing. Did not leave much room for optimism. But, it revealed to me my heart because I was holding a sign that said “Tough road game ‘Bama?” – a taunt at their own loss to South Carolina. Now, since God obviously loves SEC football and is ok with competitiveness there (:P), why is cynicism bad? At its core, it kills relational depth and opens the door for doubt: does praying really work? Does God really love me? Why should he care? This is the exact opposite of the child-like spirit that Jesus encourages: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Mt 18:3)

Are you a cynic? What is your sign that you are being over-critical?

Excitement

This week I finally finished a rough 2-3 week patch of quizzes and tests and presentations and fall getaway and just lots of stressful things in general. It felt so good to feel free and unconstrained. I was telling jokes and making puns (“Cobbler? I barely even know her!”, etc., which I realize is probably only funny to my roommates) all day Wednesday. And today is October 1, which is not only the beginning of Octobeard (during which the men of Cru do not shave, resulting in some respectable beards and a few somewhat suspect molest-aches – I will leave to you to guess which category I fall into), but is also the first day of the New Testament in the chronological read through plan that my family is doing.

I have missed the New Testament and reading about Jesus so much! Today I got just a little taste of the excitement I think God had in announcing that Jesus was coming, and that the believers in Israel had in hearing that the Messiah had finally arrived. Luke 1:11 “Then an angel of the Lord appeared to [Zechariah]…” The weight of this verse had never hit me before – no one had heard from God in 400 years, and now an angel appears! Not only that, but the John he foretells of is to have “the spirit and power of Elijah…to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” Can you imagine God’s excitement at finally revealing the plan he had made since before the foundation of the world? And Zechariah’s response to these thousands of years of God’s sovereign purpose sweeping unstoppably through history to its climax is, “How can I be sure of this?”

Seriously? How could God not be powerful enough to do whatever he wants? He has been carefully guiding and seeking and pursuing the people of Israel the whole time right up until this point! Will He suddenly fail now? This passage is really convicting because I do the same thing. When God asks me to wait or to believe that he can provide for me, I doubt his power. How could I possibly think that? I hope that the joy and the excitement of the gospel is made real to you – what a great and glorious king we have, who has worked through all history and has provided a way for us to know him. Whew – makes me excited (today – but not most days, which I wish it did).

Jesus, who is foretold in Luke 1 and described in John 1, is the Word. In him is life. Life! And he holds it out and shines in the darkness. Does that make you excited?